Friday, 6 July 2012

Games Just Aren't Terrible Anymore!

If you're a gamer, you've probably seen more than one video online of an "angry" "video game" "nerd" who isn't the Angry Video Game Nerd, getting pissed off at a terrible video game. And by pissed off, I mean either "mildly annoyed" or "FECKING POOP CRUD PISS". This article isn't about them. No, this article is about those terrible games of yesteryear, and how this generation has nearly killed them off.

Rest in peace, buddy.
Now, this is not to say that there isn't terrible games any more, but they are becoming increasing rare to find, and thanks to the internet, easier to ignore. However, by now most big developers have figured out a formula for their games. This means that while once a game would be terrible, it's now merely average and that is a worse fate. There's no denying that there is a charm with certain bad games, games that tried but failed (or didn't try and made it completely obvious). It's why videos of people playing them are popular, bad games create a morbid curiosity in people. Most don't want to play the crap themselves, but they want to see other people suffer at the hands of these games.

Back when I watched a lot of these some of my favourite things to watch were terrible FMV games. Instead of rendered cutscenes, they would use real life actors in real life sets. The result was rarely great, but sometimes the acting was so bad, or the script and it was hilarious to watch. Now that we can create very realistic characters in-game that kind of magic has gone. Hell, even reputable actors like Christopher Walken when put into one of these games turned into an amateur drama student. Most had the acting chops of softcore porn actresses. That could be because most of them probably were softcore porn actresses.

Over 1 1/2 hours of REAL VIDEO? Excuse me while I rush to buy this!

Bad games were still prevalent in the early 3D era, as developers were getting used to added dimensions. Although voice acting had been around on the PC for a long time, now normal home consoles could do the same. The result was hilariously bad, in most cases. Hey, this wasn't even exclusive to bad games, some great games had awful voice acting. Don't believe me? Here's a video, it might be useful if you, the master of it...

That's ten minutes worth of terrible voice acting...from one game...

Now even the worst games can hire experienced and competent voice actors, and while that's good in a way, bad acting will never not be entertaining. Not only that, we can rarely ever get a taste of terrible translations either. Now that developers have millions to play with everything has become competent. Obviously, games that are simply terrible to play will never be fun, but at least they used to reward you with hilarious mis-translations, terribly voiced characters and ridiculous looking moments. These games are still around, but they're a dying breed. Very few people are tempted to take risks with the millions that games cost these days to make and understandably so. But for those of us who enjoy seeing these games we'll always have many generations of crappy games to keep us entertained. Amen.

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