Crash Bandicoot 2 - Intro + Turtle Woods

You know, there are some games that I'll play for Super Game Fighter that mean something extra to me. This is one of those games.

Just imagine being five years old. Your gaming experiences beforehand had been 8-bit Sonic games for the Master System and the Super Mario Land games for the Game Boy.

Then your older sister gets a Playstation for her birthday. You barely know what a Playstation is, but everyone's super excited about it for some reason. Being five, you get a little bit excitable too.

They put the disc in, you hear that iconic opening jingle for the first time. You look over at your sister, holding the controller in her hands - it had so many buttons! And then you turn back to the television to see this...

Just imagine being that little boy, about to play the Playstation for the very first time. Going from the games of old, to this - it is something I'll never experience again.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this was it. The first Playstation game I ever played, and possibly the reason I'm here as a gamer today. I had always liked games, but Crash Bandicoot 2 was just so amazing looking compared to anything else I had ever played. To a five-year old mind, this was as close to real as it got. Over time I commandeered my sister's Playstation and adopted it as my own. By this point she had managed to accidentally break this game, so I never could play it until a few years ago when it became available on the Playstation Network.

But this game put me on the path of becoming a gamer, much before Pokémon and Final Fantasy entered my life. It will be a hell of an experience playing through this game and finally, sixteen years later, beating it. But if there's one thing I can guarantee, is that we're going to have some fun.

Unlike the previous game, there is a fair amount of story and dialogue in the game - though never more than a minute or two at a time. I'll transcribe what they say on here for the meantime, but I am playing with the idea of including all the cutscenes and dialogue in a video at the end of updates. We'll see. For now...let's get to it.

We see what happens to Cortex immediately after the events of Crash Bandicoot 1, falling to his inevitable and painful death...pah, as if! Crash Bandicoot works on cartoon physics and as such, a fall from above the clouds is merely an inconvenience to Dr. Cortex. In fact, crash lands inside a cave where he finds...

*Cue Cortex's evil laugh* ...the Master Crystal!

We go aboard Cortex's space station, where he's joined by a new character...

Meet Doctor N. Gin!

"But Doctor Cortex, to reach full power, we need not only your Master Crystal, but also the remaining 25 Slave Crystals on the surface. How do you expect to retrieve them when we don't have any earthbound operatives left?"

Cortex: "You fool! Do you think I'm unaware of the situation?! If we don't have any friends left on the surface, then we'll need to find... an enemy..."

I wonder who he could mean...surely not...

Here we see the elusive Bandicoots in their natural states. It is a little known fact that Bandicoots are found either sleeping, or typing away at a laptop. Isn't nature awesome?

Meet Crash's sister Coco. 

Coco: "Crash? Crash! Crash, my battery's fried. Make yourself useful, big brother, and bring an extra battery for me."

This seems just a little familiar. Welcome to Crash Bandicoot 2: Quest for the Battery. I guess the Outback is full of laptop batteries? I wonder if they grow on trees? Regardless, it's time for an adventure! Crash can still do all the stuff he could before like run, jump...

...bouncy crates still hold ten Wumpa Fruits.

The Aku-Aku masks also make a return - they grant Crash an extra hit he can take before he dies. Collecting two grants him a second extra hit and a third will make him invincible for a short duration of time.

The game still throws lives at you, though with one little improvement - your life counter is also saved when you save the game, meaning you won't lose your lives every time you leave the game. This is rather handy. In fact, you could say it is a...LIFESAVER.

Crash clearly didn't appreciate that joke and is currently banging his head off the ground in reaction. No, wait, this is just showing off a new move in Crash's arsenal, the bodyslam. Just jump, press the circle button and he'll slam himself to the ground, breaking boxes in his path. In fact, there is a new box we'll see soon that can only be destroyed with bodyslams.

Hey, what's this?

What is going on?

This place looks odd...like a room of portals. Hmm...I wonder who's behind this?

ARGH, IT'S THE GHOSTLY HEAD OF CORTEX!

Cortex: "Well, well, well. If it isn't Crash Bandicoot. Welcome. I apologize for the crude means used to bring you here, but I'd rather expect a written invitation to be turned down. I need your help. Surrounding you are a series of five doors. Through each door lies a well-hidden Crystal. The Crystals look like this."

"Bring me the crystals, Crash. That is all I can say for now. We will speak again."

Well he seems trustworthy! 

I just cannot wait to help this kind man who tried to kill us a year ago! We'll start with level 1, it seems like a good place to start! (though you can do any of the five levels on this floor in any order).

Each level will start with us being beamed in like this. It is a little known fact that Crash Bandicoot was initially considered for a role in the recent Star Trek films, but sadly lost the role of Spock to someone else. Shame, I definitely get the sense that Crash is a wise, intelligent man.

This is like the level we were abducted from, except it is raining. Now on the ground there is an access to a special type of bonus stage. I ignored it. I'm terrible at them. It's like regular bonus stages, but harder. If you're going for the clear gem in this level, you need to go through this to destroy all the crates. I'm not going after all the gems because I guarantee I'd still be here six months from now trying to find every bloody crate.

These bonus stages are okay with me though.

It's a return to the side-scrolling platforming seen in the original game's bonus stages. Just break all the crates, collect all the fruits and you'll normally get a good two or three lives out of it.

Reach the end and the platform will take you back to the level, while your loot gets absorbed into your totals.

Mud is annoying, especially when there is crates in it. The mud takes away a lot of your momentum and speed, and for some reason I find it very hard to jump on top of the crates to break 'em.

I always feel a bit offended when I play Crash games...I feel like the developers are telling me "Hey, nerd, get a life!". But why do I need to get a life? I HAVE NINE! I'm like a cat!

These pits are easy enough to deal with. I have a triple Aku-Aku mask on in this image, but my usual technique is to spam the spin button.

Get close and spin as they come out of the ground and they won't be an issue.

The crystal will always in the level, which means it is possible to complete the level without collecting the crystal. However, remember when Cortex said "Through each door is a well-hidden crystal"? Yeah, he's lying, the crystals are pretty much always in plain sight. 

The iron gate symbolises the end of the level!

If you break all the boxes in the level you will find your gem here. But for the first level, there is a second gem you can get. Apparently the way to get it is to finish the level without breaking any crates. That will grant you the blue gem.

Look how triumphant he looks! Crash is as elegant as always.

The rooms getting darker, Crash is looking confused, Aku-Aku hasn't got a character yet...it can only mean one thing...

HOLOGRAM TIME.

Cortex: "Well done, Crash. I knew I could rely on you. Now listen carefully. These holograms are hard to maintain. During the course of my intellectual pursuits, I have come across a force that threatens to destroy the world. Crystals are the only means of containing it. The fate of the world is at stake. It is imperative therefore that you bring them to me!"

Coco interrupts...

Coco: "Are you there Crash? Crash? Crash? Are you there Crash? ... Are you there Crash?"

No, he isn't. He's taking a break and so am I! See you next time, where we'll beat the rest of the warp room.

Crash Bandicoot - Finale!

It's time. We've battled a fat man, a deranged kangaroo, a 'roided up koala, a gangster potoroo and an intellectually challenged mad scientist to get this far, but finally we are here. The end game. The last two months of Sonic and Crash has made me very angry towards mad scientists, and honestly I cannot wait to get my hands on Cortex...but first we have two more levels!

The Lab is a short level, which seems longer than it is because it is quite difficult for beginners like myself.

The main gimmick to the level are those metal crate switches, they either make a bridge or open a door, but usually only for a short amount of time. Too many times I've thought I was safe to go ahead, only for a bridge to come apart as I landed on it and fell indefinitely in the nothingness below.

These electrical pillars shoot out a number of charges in a row, not too difficult to get the timing down though. If you get hit by too many of these, it truly would be 'shocking'. I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke, for crimes against humour I should be 'charged'. Oh ho ho ho.

The blob from the N. Brio boss fight has a sister, and she wants to kick your ass. Same technique as before, jump on its head and it was dissolve.

Here is an evil trick. All throughout the game, you see a cluster of crates and your first inclination is to spin into it. However, if you do that here...

You blow up the hidden TNT. There's no Aku Aku here, it is instant death no matter what.

This is actually one of my favourite enemies in the game. Don't get me wrong, he's annoying as hell. He conjures up an electrical charge in his hands, you touch him (or vice versa) and you will die...but when he's not charging up you can knock him back with a spin attack. The only way to kill him is to knock him off the platform. And they do a Howie Scream on the way down. It's awesome and that's the only reason why I like them so much.

Since it is the last proper level, there are some tricky sections. Like here, where you have to jump over the retracting bridge, set off the TNT, get away from it (which either involves getting back on the bridge or just jumping to the side sections) and then jumping back to where the now-exposed switch is.

However, I never felt it was THAT difficult. I mean, I Game Over'd...but only because I had three lives going into the level and I've never played it before. I like to choose it's because I have grown as a gamer over the week I played this game and now possess, for the first time in my life, some actual gaming skill.

Then I remember Slippery Climb and I cry myself to sleep.

One last tricky jump (hit the furthest away TNT block and it should bounce you to the far platform) and we've done it. Just one level separates us and Cortex.

The Great Hall? Well, after all this platforming I sure hope Dumbledore gives Gryffindor the House Cup, otherwise all this will be for naught!

Are we ready for the last level of Crash Bandicoot? My body certainly is, so let's go!

Now, I should warn you all, this level does not turn out well. I lost so many lives. I tried to keep count, but I lost it at around 121. Maybe...it's the end? Maybe I should hang up the controller once and for all? I mean, it's wireless so I'm not sure how I'd hang it up without it falling. MY GAMER CRED IS DOWN THE TOILET, and with it goes my sense of JUST KIDDING.

It's one jump and you win. NEXT!

...okay, I'll explain. In the first picture, do you see the gem? Well, this level is actually just a bonus level. Collect all the gems and this will take you to the alternate ending. However, I looked it up and it honestly, for all the work you have to put in, not worth it. You fly off with Tawna, and it has a slightly amusing "Where are they now?" bit for all the villains. and that's it. No fight with Cortex or anything. That's not how we do things here, this is Super Game FIGHTER, not Super Game Fly-Off-With-Oddly-Sexualised-Bandicoot-Women! TO THE FIGHT!

So this is the final boss and I like it. It's an easy boss, at least I only died the once due to me being an idiot, but otherwise I had no problem. Cortex has a laser gun which will shoot out laser balls. Each colour does something different...

See the middle of the screen? That's the purple attack, which is just a straight shot.

The blue balls (...sorry) he will shoot to the side of the screen, and a second later it will scroll across it. It's a case of either jumping over it or remembering not to jump into it. Easy 'nuff. Later on when it gets a little more crazy, the blue ones will zig zag across the arena but they move slow enough that it's easy to dodge.

Green ones you spin into it and it will hurt Cortex. Sometimes it will launch itself above Cortex, but by spinning into another green laser ball it will then attack Cortex.

It does get hectic towards the end, but get him down to one hit and you've practically won. He'll desperately start shooting green balls all over the place and all it takes is one...

...and we've won!

We've beaten the main bad dude, saved the girl and scored ourself a sweet new ride...

Thus setting the backdrop for the credits.

Final Thoughts

Crash Bandicoot is a hell of a lot of fun. The controls get a little getting used to but that might just be because we live in the age of analogue controls. The gameplay still holds up well, it's simplistic but in a good way. There's some annoying levels, but on the flip side, the satisfaction of actually beating them is a great feeling.

One thing to note: Crash Bandicoot looks bloody amazing when you compare it to other Playstation games. A lot of Playstation games that looked cutting-edge at the time, look like an hideous soup these days. Crash proves that a simple cartoonish art style tends to age better than what is "cutting edge". 

Should you play it? I'm going to say yeah! It's pretty cheap on the Playstation Network, and I'm sure there's plenty of copies on ebay if you want a physical one.

Now, it's time to reveal the next game. I could write about it...but instead, I made a crappy video!! Here it is:

Here is a link to it, it does feature a copyrighted song because I'm silly...