Ah, this year was a great one. Good games, good times and good EVERYTHING. It makes sense that the following two games are probably in my top ten games of all time.
Rock Band (2)
Being a music fan who is musically inept, I obviously loved the Guitar Hero games. They were great games to just pick up now and again and have fun with. Eventually Activision gave their newly acquired Guitar Hero, due to their purchase of RedOctane, to Neversoft while Harmonix, who were bought over by MTV Games, would create a brand new music game. The result was 'Rock Band'. Instead of being limited by just playing with a guitar, you could now play drums (and annoy your neighbours) and sing (and annoy your neighbours). I bought the first game in the summer of 2008, though I only had the GHIII controller and a crappy headset. It quickly became my obsession for a few weeks. I even managed to almost complete Hard, which I wouldn't dare to do in GH due to my crapiness at fake-guitaring.
But that was the fun of Rock Band, you didn't need to practice the songs millions of time just to pass it. It understood that it was, before anything else, a party game. The game also had so many brilliant songs, from my favourite band Nine Inch Nails ("The Hand That Feeds") to Weezer ("Say It Ain't So"), Soundgarden, Nirvana, Faith No More, Pixies and a whole heap more.
But it was the second game, released late on in the year, that truly became an instant classic. With the option to export (most of the) songs from the first game, plus the select songs I downloaded, Rock Band 2 pretty much featured the greatest licensed soundtrack in video game history. The "endless setlist" (where you play all the songs from the disc in one go) provided a whole day worth of fun for me and my friends, though we had to stop at song 50 because we had to go home for tea. Hey, we were still sixteen at the time!
I would eventually blow £100+ on Beatles Rock Band for the PS3, but by then the music rhythm genre's momentum collapsed. Plastic instruments have ceased to be cool. But every time I see a cheap copy of Rock Band 3, I'm tempted. But for now, may the great memories that Rock Band provided for me, lay to rest.
Though, to be fair, I blame Guitar Hero for being crap.
Grand Theft Auto IV
I'm going to point out one thing; I absolutely adore this game. I don't care that people think it wasn't funny enough, it wasn't over the top enough or all that stuff. I've heard people say they preferred Saint's Row 2, but while that game was pretty fun, as a GAME, GTA IV blows it out of the water.
Never was I more excited for a game to be released. Then it was released...and I had to wait two weeks to get it. Two weeks of pain and excitement, only made easier by one of my friends going through the same thing. And then, on my 16th birthday, my sister delivered it to me. I would then spend the rest of my birthday, in a room, playing this game, pausing only to taunt my friend that I got it.
When you are so excited for something, one of two things will happen...bitter disappointment or OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.
Obviously it was the second option with me. Sure, in retrospect, it could have used a bit more colour and fun ("The Ballad of Gay Tony" DLC provided exactly this). Do I care though? No. Every time I start a new game I get transported to four years ago. When this song plays as you take control for the very first time...
The magic hits me again.
Multiplayer is extremely fun also, and I'm actually good at it which is a rarity. All in all, this game is probably the most important game of my teenage years. It came right in the middle of them, so in a way it's like a bridge from my childlike days to the more recent adultlike (and incredibly pretentious) days. Hopefully GTA V will bring back some of that childlike excitement when it comes out.
Next: We buy a console just to play the end-game of a story and then take a dive.
In five days I'll be twenty years old. No longer will I be able to blame my immaturity on being a teenager, now people will expect me to start acting a little bit older. HAHAHAHA, no chance. But since I've been busy video making instead of actually playing the games I said I would, I thought that in the week leading up to my birthday I shall talk about my most important games of the last seven years, two per year. I'll be going year-by-year, but that doesn't mean that the games are from that year. This is not a "favourite" game list either, it's all about the games that are most important to me. So without further ado...
2005
Football Manager 2005
I may have bought this when I was twelve, but no other game series has taken away as many hours (no, days. No WEEKS.) of my life then this one. To non football (or Soccer) fans, it's just a glorified spreadsheet with silly little dots instead of players. But to actual football fans those dots have given us some of our favourite gaming moments.
Like this little gem I found. Ah, the days when I'd insist on making Quinton Fortune a first team regular.
Over the years I have changed from a big nerdy child into a big nerdy almost-adult, but one thing hasn't changed and that is my love for those little dots (or faceless 3D players as they are now). It doesn't matter if I'm leading my local Aberdeen to the Champions League Semi-Finals, winning everything with Man Utd or challenging myself in the South African leagues, each instalment of this great series will provide many new memories and weeks of my life I'll never get back again. No regrets.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Slightly cheating with this one, my sister bought me this for Christmas 2004. BUT I was still playing it an ungodly amount by 2005. Also, it's probably my all time favourite game. Even now, nearly eight years after it's release, it's still fantastic to play. San Andreas has so much you can do and much potential for just causing mayhem. In fact the only things I can think that could make it better would be if it has GTA IV graphics and the ability to ride through the desert on a horse with no name.
OH THANK MOD, you can!
While Vice City maybe my favourite setting, it only just beats San Andreas. Even driving in the countryside or the desert feels good, as long as you've got the radio on. The soundtrack is on par with VC, and the fact that the radio shows change as you progress through the game blew my mind when I was twelv...I MEAN EIGHTEEN I WOULD NEVER CHEAT THE RATING SYSTEMS! But yes, in my mind the closest thing we've gotten to a perfect game (though I'd love to be proven wrong. Maybe GTA V?).
Next: 2006, where we revisit many worlds from my childhood and maybe incur the wrath of a chick with a magic wand.
Mission 55; Domo Arigato Domestoboto: We see a very drunk Lance and Diaz having a discussion, it seems Lance has borrowed money from Diaz and will pay him back "with 25% interest or we'll work for you". Lance has a plan to ruin the Mendez Brothers, but before he can tell Vic about it he passes out on the sofa. Vic heads outside and bumps into a man who says that the high-tech gear is ready outside the Mendez Mansion. So, we drive over there and get into the van.
This is one of the more unique mission in VCS, here we get to control the Mendez Brother's own Domestobot (a robot servant that's been mentioned repeatedly during the series, but it makes it's first proper appearance here). It kinda looks like a R.O.B.
Except a lot more useful.
Our goal is to find the vault where Diego and Armando keep their bonds and destroy it. The Domestobot has five "arm-settings", by pressing the shoulder buttons you can scroll between them. They are: Grabber (for grabbing), Lighter (for FIRE!), Sweeper (for cleaning), a radar detector (for finding the vault) and a dildo (for...err...you know...). The catch to this mission is that Armando will shout orders to you and you have two minutes to complete them. They range from cleaning a specific room's floor, to grabbing him a drink or lighting his cigar. Once you perform a task for him you have a bit of breathing space to try and find the vault. It's rather easy to find, go downstairs, find the store room towards the back of the Mansion, go to the basement and you'll see the vault. After that you have to crack the code, it's the usual "code-breaking mini-game" we've seen in many video games. The code is always the same, 8423, but you have 18 attempts to get it right so it's easy enough. Once you open the vault, change to the lighter and set the bonds on fire. Armando will destroy our robo-buddy, but it's still mission completed!
Pictured: The moment Armando became a true villain. Rest in peace Robo-Buddy.
Mission 55; In The Air Tonight: We return to the hospital where we see Barry, Phil Collins and the transformed Reni. The three have a discussion (which includes Reni suggesting Barry get implants of his own...) before Phil and Barry head off to the arena. We'll be joining them soon, but first we have to drop Reni off at the airport. She fears Diego will always seek to kill her, so she's going back to Europe. Right enough, we do get chased by Mendez's goons. Just drive fast and you should get to the airport unless you're driving a car made of paper. Before she leaves she decides that she no longer wants to film advertisements, she's getting into the adult movie industry....
Until Liberty City Stories, Reni!
Now for the second half of the mission, we gotta drive to the arena where Barry is panicking. It seems the Forelli's are not going to give up trying to kill Phil. Our job this time then is to keep an eye out. Cutscene Vic notices a man on the lighting rig, cutting a cable. The rest of the mission is to prevent them from succeeding from cutting enough cables, or else Phil Collins dies. This is simple though, although you don't have any weapons they die in two punches. While this is happening, the intro to a live version of 'In The Air Tonight' is playing.After a certain amount of goons are killed, we get transported to cutscene-land where we see Phil make his entrance, walking slowing onto the stage whilst singing. After a little while we're back punching Italian gangsters in the face until we see Phil reach his drums and we get treated the rest of the performance.
Afterwards. after some more banter between Phil and Barry, we see the last of our two favourite Englishmen in Vice City. Barry has decided he's going to have to pay Giorgio back, and has lined up a series of gigs for Phil in order to pay it back (much to the chagrin of Phil, who was looking forward to a holiday). After this mission we are able to pay $6,000 to see an uninterrupted version of Phil's concert...but you don't have to pay six thousand bucks. Here it is:
Enjoy.
Mission 57; Light My Pyre - After the awesomeness of Phil Collins' gig, this mission is a bit of a downer. It can also be incredibly frustrating. Louise pages us saying she'll meet us at Lance's place in order to have a "real date" but when we get there only Lance is around. Lance tells us to forget about her, but then Mary-Jo bursts in and says that the Mendez Brothers have kidnapped Louise. Man, girl can't catch a break can she? Lance originally refuses to help, but after some tough words from Vic he reluctantly comes along. When they get outside they are greeted by a car of Mendez's men with an ultimatum, get out of Vice City and Louise will live. To hammer home the point they shoot a rocket at Lance's car, which sends him in a violent rage and he gets on the Biker's Angel to give chase. This leaves us with no vehicle, though there is a PCJ-600 nearby, which I would suggest for this mission.
The idea is that Lance is so pissed off over his car getting blown up that he refuses to acknowledge all the people shooting at him, so it's up to us to protect Lance. The motorcycle is the way to go, just for the ability to shoot forwards while driving it. However, Lance is a stupid idiot and WILL drive into you and WILL drive into your bullets. You have to be careful. He will not help you in anyway.
Pictured: The rare moment when Lance isn't getting in your way...
Just destroy the red dots as they appear on the radar and stay close to Lance. After the third car of goons, it seem they only spawn if Lance reaches a certain amount of distance away from you. If you're unlucky with the police they can really screw you over if you're on the bike. If Lance reaches Prawn Island alive then you've completed the first half of the mission. After the cutscene showing Lance driving right up to the Mendez Mansion, head to the film lot and pick up the armour from behind the building before heading up to the mansion. Don't bother with killing the guards, they can respawn right behind you and take you down with ease. Use Lance's tactic, drive right into the mansion and head to the back door. A normal car would be better for this, just to offer more shelter.
After we head inside we're greeted by Armando Mendez, who claims it is futile to try and save Louise and Lance, they're already dead. And now it's our turn. Armando wields a flamethrower, you get hit just a little and it will wreck your health. There is armour and health pick-ups on the floor, but you also have to deal with Armando's goons. If you have full armour and health, and you have the Equilizer, just stand there shooting him until he dies. It's a bit of a cheaty way out, but it works. Otherwise try to avoid his flamethrower and take a shot or two when he pauses.
After he dies we go up to the room where Louise and Lance is. Louise says that her and Vic could have had something special, asks us to make sure Mary-Jo looks after her baby before passing away. Lance tells Vic that she wasn't right for him anyway, it is family that matters. Never invite Lance to a funeral.
Mission 58; Over The Top - We visit Ricardo Diaz at his mansion where he informs us that Diego is hiding in a compound in Downtown. To go in from the ground would be suicide, so he suggests the much safer, sane way...go in to Fort Baxter (the Army Base) and steal an attack helicopter. Of course! We'll need help on this on, Diaz suggests Quentin (aka, Lance), but Vic has someone else in mind...Phil Cassidy. We visit Phil at his warehouse, drunk and distraught over the death of Louise. Phil agrees to help, saying Vic will need a decoy in order to get into the base.
We drive Phil's truck (full of his 'boomshine') to Fort Baxter. There, Phil's plan is to drive the truck into the base (jumping out of the car so he doesn't explode with it), which should act as enough of a distraction to allow Vic to sneak into the base. Once we jump into the base we have to Solid Snake our way to the control building, avoiding guards and spotlights. Luckily this is rather simple to manage, just stay out of eyesight and you should be okay. Once you get to the building you'll have to kill a few hard working soldiers to get to the gate control. After this you have a time limit of three minutes to reach the attack helicopter before they take off with it. Again, simple enough, the soldiers don't give you much hassle. Get to da choppa and fly it over to Diaz's mansion to win.
We get one final pager message from Jerry telling us that it's time to settle things. Thus begins...the final mission.
Mission 59; Last Stand - On Diaz's roof, Vic and Diaz have a discussion, Vic reminds Diaz that this will erase all of his debts, and that he's not doing this for anyone but himself. Diaz is happy enough, he'll basically run the drug game in Vice City once Diego is dead. It's time to finally end this. We fly the attack chopper towards the compound, that seems to only have two floors with glass windows...hmm. We have to kill all the guards on the floors, luckily we have infinite rockets. They die pretty easily...
Once all the guards are dead, a cutscene will play showing a couple of new guards successfully shooting down the Hunter. Vic manages to land on the roof, that has a handy stockpile of AK-47, Rockets and Armour. We're asked to head downstairs, where he have to kill two floors worth of armoured guards. Use the AK/Assault Rifle for this one to keep your distance, though there is more armour pick-ups after each wave. Once the second floor is taken care of, we'll see Diego and he'll run away. A cutscene will also show Martinez arrive on the roof of the building, order the people on the helicopter to take down Vic. This part can be annoying, however I found a good way to kinda cheese it. You have to kill two guards, hide from the helicopter and then attack the helicopter. I've found using the Spas-12 (a fast-firing shotgun) works wonders, on both the guards and the helicopter if you can free aim it right. Once the helicopter is destroyed it's time to head to the roof to end this.
Jerry gets the drop on us, but like all good villains he's gotta taunt Vic first. However, then Diego shows up, also pointing a gun at us. We now have to kill them both. However, GTA has one slight problem with "boss fights"...they really are no different to regular fights except the people you shoot have more health. It's rather anti-climatic to just shoot both Jerry and Diego as they both go down easily enough. After they are dead, Lance will arrive in a helicopter to "help", but it's already over, we've beaten Vice City Stories.
The Vance Brothers rejoice in their victory and agree they need to get out of town and lie low for a while. Lance reveals he's bought 20 kilo's of cocaine to sit on while they lie low, so they can sell it when they need to, but Vic refuses to be brought back into the drugs game. He's going to send money to their sick brother Pete and the two brothers fly off, presumably to lie low (though you can continue to play the game afterwards without the distraction of missions).
The whole 20 kilo's of coke thing? Well...that's what starts the original Vice City, with Vic dying over it. But that's in two years time, for now we celebrate!
For winning we now get a Hunter attack helicopter to use whenever we want, as well as the "Winner" outfit...
Frankie would be proud...
So...that's it...almost. I still have more empire building to talk about, but that will come in a couple of weeks. Vice City Stories is probably my least favourite of the GTA III era of games, but it's far from terrible. If you have a PSP, or a PS2, and you're a fan of GTA then you could do a lot worse than Vice City Stories.
I'll leave you with a few final GTA stats...
Final Money Amount: $757121
Mission Attempts: 92 (that's 33 failures, for those who hate maths)
Total Playing Time: 14:49
Days Passed In-Game: 54
Empire Sites Owned: 21/30 (will be 30/30 when I write up the final Empire Building part)
People Wasted: 1497 (...yikes)
Cars Exploded: 169
Total Wanted Stars Obtained: 200
Times Arrested: 2
Times Killed: 10
Bullets Fired: 11310
Total Distance Travelled (miles); 337.78
That's it for Vice City Stories for now, next up on the list...SUPER MARIO 64!
Mission 50; Farewell to Arms: We arrive at Diaz's mansion to see him lecturing Gonzales. Diaz tells him that he works for him now and any deal Gonzales does in Vice City must go through him (thus setting up the beginning of Vice City). He asks Vic to show Gonzales what it means to be a friend of Ricardo Diaz. Basically, this is a rail shooter mission in a helicopter, Gonzales is driving the truck (loaded with weapons) to the airport, and we have to protect him from attacks from the Sharks. Your gun is powerful, as long as you don't aim like an idiot you should be able to take care of them easily enough. The only time you might have trouble is when Gonzales stalls his vehicle, he quickly gets surrounded by Sharks and he will take a whole lot of damage. After taking care of them, and the upcoming roadblock, it should be plain sailing to the airport (or, "plane" sailing...heh heh...).
After he reaches his destination we have to help his men defend the entrances to the airport. This is just a case of shooting everything with a red arrow floating above it, while the helicopter flies between all the posts. Even when you succeed though, Sharks will get into the airport but Gonzales' plane is getting ready to take off. Just continue to blow up the Sharks and he should escape Vice City easily enough.
Mendez pages us, saying we need to talk...
Mission 51; Burning Bridges: Armando is happy that we've paid our debts and returned the money to them and he is giving us a reward! Basically, in exchange of us fleeing Vice City and handing over our business interests to them they will spare our lives! How thoughtful...but the Vance Brothers are having none of it. However they get knocked out by Diego and his men. We awake, without our weapons, beside a few oil tankers. We get attacked (in-cutscene) by a few of Mendez's goon, one of whom accidentally shoots a valve off and sets them all on fire. However, Lance is stuck behind the flames and we have to rescue him. There is armour and a pistol at the beginning, and if you are an idiot like me you could get lost. Good advice is to follow the men, if you see red arrows your going the right way!
We have to shoot the valves off the tankers whilst defending ourselves against Mendez's goons. Be sure to pick-up their weapons since you have none. The biggest threat will be the two bastards shooting from the helicopter, but they can be locked-on with the SMG. There's another guy towards the final valve with a sniper, but since he is AI, he will struggle to actually hit you with one. After shooting the third valve, grab the motorbike, grab Lance and enjoy the explosion as you escape.
We're now at war with the Mendez Brothers, this pretty much starts the run-up to the end game. Lance says he has a plan to deal with them, and he knows exactly who to ask. Immediately after the cutscene we get paged by Lance telling us that the faeces is about to hit the fan, but he's got us covered...
Mission 52; Blitzkrieg Strikes Again: We arrive at Lance's place to see our old friend Phil Cassidy doing...uhh...something. Vic is surprised to see him but then there's a knock on the door and hey, Umberto Robina is here! Lance arrives soon after saying that the Mendez Brothers are planning an attack on their businesses, and he thought he'd get help from our friends. Vic is surprised that Lance actually did something right for once. This is just like the first Blitzkrieg mission, except you have to defend three businesses.
BRO HUG.
This mission is rather simple, especially if you have lots of businesses nearby to Lance's apartment, and you remembered to stockpile weapons from the Ammu-Nation in the mall. The assault rifle will tear apart everyone with ease. Lance will contribute some funny banter (sorry, 'The Lance-erator'). After you've defended the third business Lance will say that Phil and Robina have also been victorious. We've won! But Lance feels that we should take the fight to the Mendez Brothers and end this for good...
This unlocks new mission for Lance and Diaz. We also get paged by Reni saying that he needs us desperately. Well, Vic doesn't like to keep a woma...err..man waiting, so let's go!
Mission 53; So Long, Schlong: We arrive at the film lot to see Reni all distraught. He's upset because Diego Mendez is mad at him for introducing us to Diaz. It turns out our silent enemy and our favourite German avant-garde film-maker had a little fling. Reni has decided to have another sex-change...his fourth. While he drives to the hospital we have to kill all the Mendez goons that come into the film lot looking for Reni. If they discover he's not there before he pages you it's mission failed. He'll page you eventually saying that he's been caught near the Malibu club. Grab a car, drive over to where he is, kill all of Mendez's men and now drive Reni to the hospital. You will be chased, and Reni will shoot at them, but it's better if you just concentrate on getting to the hospital fast and accident-free.
Mission 54; Lost and Found: We're back at Lance's apartment for this one, apparently Martinez has been on the phone threatening to 'visit' Louise at the hospital. Lance would rather Vic help him with a deal he's working on, but Vic refuses and goes to pick up Louise from the Downtown hospital. Once he gets there, they apologise to each other and Vic asks her if she wants to do something fun and business-free, but right then Lance pages him to say that he's trapped in a burning building and to bring a helicopter. Louise says that there's a helicopter on the roof, so we'll just borrow it to rescue Lance.
Fly all the way over to Ocean Beach and Louise will point out Lance on top of the building. Land on top of it and he'll get in, Apparently we just fell for a Martinez trap, Jerry wanted to divide the brothers and kill them separately. The men who attacked Lance are riding off in boats with our money, so we have to fly the helicopter over them so Lance can shoot. It took a while for me, but eventually we got ahead of them and Lance took them out pretty quickly after that. Then we have to position the helicopter just over the boat so Lance can jump in. He'll ride off and now we have to drop off Louise at her sister's apartment. Phew.
Now, apparently there's a pager message from Phil Cassidy thanking us for taking care of Louise, but I never got it for some reason.
We've met every important Cast member in the game, so none of that today. Also, I have the final part of the Empire Building to talk about, but I'll leave that for after I'm finished with the story.
Mission 44; Taking The Fall: We're back with Lance for this one. The cutscene shows Lance T. Vance (the T is for Tulips in Thailand) phoning his accountant. After the cutscene Vic asks Lance who's been stealing the yayo, Lance thinks it could have been the bikers. So, naturally, what we need to do is fly a helicopter and allow Lance to shoot the bikers out of it. If you tilt the helicopter then Lance will lose his balance and won't shoot. After a while you'll catch up to the bikers and Lance will shoot at him. The closer you are to them the easier it will be for Lance to shoot them. This one's easy enough, and if a biker gets away then no swear, you're in a helicopter after all.
After this we have to fly over to a hotel in Downtown so Lance can kill more bikers. Once you've killed them all you get a cutscene showing your helicopter blowing up...lovely. Lance will jump out and now we have to rescue him. This is just a case of killing all the bikers and approaching the blue dot on the mini-map. After this Lance will show up on one of the biker's bike (this is inside the hotel, I should point out) and claim that he never found any coke. At least he has a new bike (there will always be a Biker's Angel at Lance's apartment from now on).
Mission 45; Kill Phil Part 2: It's time for the sequel. I mentioned last time that the second Phil Collins mission is the best one, but I lied, it's the third one (I thought this mission was a part of that one). After an argument between Barry and Phil (in the middle of which Reni reveals that he might have had a night of passion with Barry in Monaco), Barry asks us to make sure the Arena is safe for Phil's soundcheck. We have five hours in-game to complete this (meaning...five minutes). So, no time to waste, drive fast and carefully to the Arena. When you're there you'll see a gangster kill one of the Arena's staff. Waste him and grab the BMX.
On my first attempt a car never spawned in front of Reni's studio, nor did I notice the BMX just inside the Arena, and I failed pretty spectacularly. The mission is to ride to each of the "security checkpoints" and kill all the gangsters. This is simple enough, though there is one area (the stage) that can be tricky. There is also a safe area with a health and armour pick-ups. Once you've killed the last lot, one of them will drop a keycard for the elevator. Go to the mission marker and you'll find that they've planted a bomb. Kill the rest of the goons and you've completed the mission. Well done.
The bomb will soon become self-aware and return as the final boss.
After the mission Reni pages us to tell us he's put in a good word about us to Ricardo Diaz, so let's go visit him right away!
Mission 46; Steal The Deal - Diaz is as Diazy as ever, and he's heard about a deal Gonzales is making. But we're not the only Vance here, Lanc...I MEAN, Quentin was in the back getting to know one of Diaz's ladies. Diaz asks us to steal Gonzales shipment. He broke our hearts and we all know the only way to mend a broken-heart is by coke (though I prefer Pepsi myself). However we were given no clue as to where to find one of Gonzales' men, but Lance does. He thinks that they might be at the strip club. Vic is doubtful, but sure enough we see one of the goons leave the Pole Position club. Lance reckons if we follow him, he'll lead us straight to the shipment. He does. After a quite Jetski ride we arrive at a port. We don't NEED to kill all of Gonzales' men, but we will anyway. Steal the boat with the floating red arrow above it and drive to to Diaz's place. Mission complete.
Mission 47; The Exchange - Ricardo is about to make a deal with the DEA, he will exchange 200 kgs of coke for a few crates of high quality weapons. Sounds reasonable. First we have to drive the van to the meeting point, where Gonzales men will start sniping them. We have a time limit here, we have to snipe the goons before they kill all of our friends. This part is easy enough once you have a clue where to go, and the sniper scope has handy arrows showing where the enemies are. Once they are taken care of, the DEA will arrive with our weapons. Now we have to drive this back to the mansion. Gonzales' men will chase you in cars, but as long as you don't crash and you take the shortest possible route you should be fine.
After this Gonzales pages us, grovelling at us to help him one more time. Pfft, as if I would ever forgive that OH OKAY I will. His mission marker, curiously...is at Diaz's mansion. We'll deal with this next time, for now, we gots to visit Lance!
Mission 48; White Lies - We see Lance, doing the Lance Vance Dance! At long last, let's see it then...
Alright...moving on. It's clear that Lance has been getting high on his own supply! Worse yet, Louise has joined him. Vic shouts at them both and Lance has had enough. He decides to get in a helicopter and give away all of the coke. We have to follow him, in a GOD-DAMMED HOVERCRAFT, and pick up the packages as he drops 'em. As long as you can control the hovercraft and don't run into any STUPID GLITCHES THAT PREVENTED IT FROM MOVING then you should be fine.
After this we get a message from our arch-nemesis Jerry Martinez. He's back in town, and he's threatening to visit Louise!
Mission 49; Where it Hurts Most - Louise will call saying that she's been followed by Martinez's goons, as Jerry must think she and Vic are still an item. After a quick argument, Vic decides that he has to go pick Louise up so she doesn't get hurt. We arrive at the place where she's meant to be hiding only for a bunch of cars to drive past with Louise screaming in one of them. After taking care of a couple of Martinez's men, we have to drive to each location to check if the car there is the one Louise is being held in. Eventually you find her and you have to drive her to a hospital A.S.A.P. Do this and win.
Martinez gloats to us via his pager, implying that he had his way with her and telling Vic that he'll visit her soon. What an asshole.
Cast
Barry Mickelthwaite
(Voiced by: Timothy Spall)
The hopeless manager of Phil Collins, he manages to put his star client into a lot of trouble after borrowing $3,000,000 from Giorgio Forelli. Before managing Mr. Collins, he managed a talking dog called Puddles.
His voice actor is Timothy Spall is an accomplished actor especially in Britain. To worldwide audiences his most famous role is easily Peter Pettigrew, or Wormtail, in the Harry Potter movies.
Ricardo Diaz
(Voiced By: Luis Guzman)
A Colombian Drug-Lord, living the American Dream in Vice City. Diaz will remain an ally to the Vance Brothers for the rest of the game, though his greed will be the cause of Vic's death in Vice City.
He is voiced by Luis Guzman in both games. Luis has appeared in many films, including Carlito's Way, Boogie Nights and Magnolia, and remains a busy actor to this day.
Mission 39; The Colonel's Coke - Reni sets us up with a coke dealer who needs some additional help protecting him whilst he transports him. We meet up with the man who ends up being Gonzales, who was seen briefly in Vice City before he came to an unfortunate end...
*sniff* good times...
...but that's not for another two years. Here he tells us he needs to get his coke to his Colonel, who is Cortez from the original. He'll be travelling by boat, and we have to defend him in a sea-copter with mounted guns. Many boats will try to attack Gonzales during the mission, but it's actually incredibly easy to win this mission. In the helicopter are two of his men who are very good shots, as well as his guards on the boat. In fact it's probably best if you don't try to shoot the boats yourself, it's a pain in the neck to aim it right. Eventually you will have to take down an enemy helicopter, but it goes down easy enough. See Gonzales to his lock-up and it's mission complete and we have a new contact.
Mission 40; Kill Phil: Reni this time is joined by an English gentleman called Barry. Barry has a problem, he borrowed $3,000,000 (good grief) from a gangster and they want it back. Our job is to protect him and his client. First we have to pick up the special bulletproof limo that Barry has lined up for us, and then we have to pick up his client. He'll arrive in a helicopter, but then a gang comes up and attacks it. We have to kill the gang members before they kill Barry's man. Once it is over we are finally introduced to the client...
HEY, that's Phil Collins (remember, GTA games in this era did not have great character models...). Now we must drive him and Barry to his hotel whilst gangsters shoot at us, but you should get there without much hassle. Phil and Barry bicker their way into the hotel room. I sense this will be the Genesis of a beautiful friendship...
FINE, I'll stop there with the jokes...
Mission 41; Say Cheese: Vic is getting a bit cheesed off at Reni constantly calling him over without giving any jobs. Vic is a businessman after all. Reni, after a bit of obligatory flirting, asks us to help him shoot his commercial again. This time we start off on a Jet-Ski, which can be tricky to control at parts. Just be sure to hit the jumps at good speed, otherwise you'll land on the ground and you'll lose time as it respawns you. Just go through the checkpoints and keep your Jet-Ski controlled and you'll be fine. After the last jump you'll be asked to ride a motorbike for the rest of the mission. Again take it easy, you shouldn't need to rush, and get to the last checkpoint. After which you get another shining example of Rockstar's classy humour...which I can't find any real pictures of and I'm not searching for Kock on Google thank you very much.
Reni's next mission won't be unlocked until we do a couple of jobs for our new friend Gonzales, so let's go and visit him!
Mission 42; Home's on the Range: Gonzales is hanging out at the golf course, he has found the traitor that spilled the beans about the previous deal and it's time for revenge. He has tied him up on a buoy, and so naturally what we have to do is take turns hitting golf balls in his direction. This is a simple mini-game though...
...just press 'X' when the ! is in the green zone to set the power and then do the same for the aim. If you get it in the green zone both times you will hit the traitor (if you squint you can see him in the above picture) and the buoy will blow up. Gonzales will be pleased and he'll be in touch.
After this mission Lance pages us to tell us that Martinez has split from the FEDs. This opens up more missions for Lance, but let's go to the next Gonzales mission for now.
Mission 43; Purple Haze: Gonzales has taken some of his Colonel's coke and is selling it on his own, and he has decided to trust Vic with delivering it to the buyer. This is a simple mission, just drive to the lock-up, get in the van, get to the meet-up and get bashed by a truck. Yes, the buyers have decided to just take the truck without paying. They hit our van too hard though and Vic wakes up surrounded by coke and in a sort of purple haze and...excuse me, while I kiss the sky...
Okay, I'm back. We phone our buddy who isn't happy with the deal being a bust, he asks us to go the party and steal back the coke, he has another buyer. The game gives us a motorbike to drive there with, which isn't easy to control because we're high as hell. Also, I don't know if it was on purpose, but I suffered serious slowdown, which would come to screw me over later on. Get to Starfish Island and kill all the gangsters. Steal the van back and drive back to the lock-up. However, you do get a two-star wanted level and I got chased by police. Due to the difficulty in driving and it being very slow I ended up crashing everywhere and once even tipped over to the side, luckily the police crashed into me turning me back over. I eventually got shot to hell and my truck blew up just inches away from the mission marker. I haven't quite replayed it yet, but I was as good as finished so whatever.
I did watch a video online to see the little cutscene at the end, basically Gonzalez thanks you for retrieving the coke, but claims that our 'friendship' is over. My heart, it is broken. Just you wait Gonzales, I will get my revenge...in two years time...
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Cast
Gonzales
(Voiced by: Jorge Pupo)
Previous Appearance: Vice City
The Man With No Second Name is Colonel Cortez's right-hand man, though he secretly deals behind his back. Gonzales isn't a particularly interesting character, though through him we do start taking missions from one Ricardo Diaz.
Gonzales would be the one who told Diaz about the drug deal at the beginning of Vice City, meaning he is, in part, responsible for Vic's death. Luckily, Tommy Vercetti introduces Gonzales to a chainsaw for his betrayal.
Phil Collins
(Voiced By:...Phil Collins)
Phil Collins. Drummer and lead singer of Genesis after Peter Gabriel left them, he also had a successful solo career. Last year, after a career than spanned over 40 years, he retired from music (though that usually means nothing in the music industry). He's also no stranger to acting prior to Vice City Stories, having had roles in a few films including the title role in the film "Buster" (about the Great Train Robbery).
Phil Collins' appearance in Vice City Stories would be the first time a celebrity has played themselves as an on-screen character, setting a precedent that would continue in GTA IV. The first mission you meet him in is not the only time we'll have to protect him for death...and the second time is a million times better. Surely you can feel it...coming in the air tonight...
Mission 34; Hostile Takeover - Armando wants us to 'take care' of some bikers who owe the Mendez Brothers some money. This one is a fairly simple mission, use a long-ranged weapon such as the assault rifle (available at the Ammu-Nation inside the mall) to pick them off at a distance. Considering this is GTA, however, a fair amount of the enemies will get caught on walls or, in my case, inside the building. If the latter happens, toss a grenade, the splash damage should kill him. After you've killed all the bikers, more will magically show up on motorbikes, but this time they are fleeing. Well, we can have that, can we? Grab a bike and this is easy, just drive-by right in front of you and you should be able to take care of the rest of them.
Lance will beep you to ask you to see him pronto...so naturally we'll finish the Mendez strand and maybe screw around for a couple of days before seeing him,
Mission 35; Unfriendly Competition - This time Armando is complaining about a couple of drug pushers using their "home" as a gateway to bring drugs into America. He calls it "plagiarism". We must deal with them. From this point on you should ALWAYS have a full set of health and armour before doing any mission. There's armour in the film lot near the mansion, as well as a health pick-up as you approach the Mendez's.
The first part isn't too bad, you have to kill the dealer and his bodyguards. If you have an assault rifle then they will fall pretty easy and they should be able to land much, if any, shots. Then we have to drive to an apartment in Ocean Beach. We waltz right up to the dealer in the middle of his party to be a bad-ass. Unfortunately it's hard to be a bad-ass when it ends with a dozen or so girls pointing their guns at you. This part can be tricky, it's easy enough to take cover in the (empty) pool, but that doesn't make shooting the girls any easier. Again use the assault rifle for long range or, if you've been to the Mall's gun shop, the Equalizer for short range (basically it's the most powerful handgun in the game..)
Do ya feel lucky, punk?
Once you've dealt with them, he'll race off in a...ugh...quad bike...and you have to chase him using a ...ugh...quad bike of your own. It's actually not too bad, providing you have a SMG of some sort. He'll throw grenades at you, but they're dodgeable enough. A few hits with the SMG and he'll fly off his Quad and it's mission complete.
Mission 36; High Wire - Armando has bad news, a shipment of cocaine has been taken by the police. Even worse, Armando says that he'll tell the police that it was ours and that he has a document that proves it. Yet he still says it in such a friendly way. However there is one way to make sure that doesn't happen...get the coke back. We have to drive to the junkyard in Little Haiti where we'll meet a Mendez gang member. After that we get into our first helicopter on the game and hey...it has a magnet! It's pretty clear what we need to do here...first we fly over to the impound yard and pick up the container. Easy enough, just descend over it and it will automatically attach. Fly over to the pink marker, descend and it will automatically detach.
However, DRAMA...the second container is about to be moved to the station! It's on the back of the truck and we have to pick it up. It's not too bad, the truck doesn't move quickly meaning it's easy enough to grab it. Mendez's guy will praise us and tell us to drop it off. So we do. Then he'll start screaming that Bikers are on his tail. We have to pick him up. This one is a little harder, the time limit is a little stricter, his car moves faster and is on another island. Still, you should have plenty of time in order to do it in. Drop him off on top of the car-park and that is the Mendez Brothers strand finished...for now.
Mission 37; Turn On, Tune In, Bug Out - We arrive at Lance's place only for him to tell us to be quiet. Vic refuses, demanding that Lance tells him what's going on. Eventually Lance loses his patience and reveals that they're being bugged. Vic goes to check their other places, but Lance tells him of an easier way...take out the police antennae dotted around the city. First you go to Ammu-Nation to pick up a GODAMMED ROCKET LAUNCHER YES!
It's a portable action-movie-scene maker.
Drive over to the first police station and get on the roof. Use the BOOM!-maker to take out the two antennas and then kill the policemen guarding the helicopter. Take the helicopter and fly over to the next station in Little Havana. Be careful where you park it though, too close to the antenna and you could blow it up as well, while if the rotors get caught on anything it will blow up, thus making the mission harder. Blow up the next two antennas and you'll find yourself with a four-star wanted level, meaning helicopter will start shooting you. No biggie though, just quickly fly to Downtown and take over the last two antenna. By now, you'll have a five-star wanted level and you have to get rid of it before completing the mission. If you can get your hands on a helicopter fly to the nearest business to a pay n' spray you've got, pick up the car that spawns outside and then drive quickly to the pay n' spray. A five-start wanted level can start getting really mad if you're not careful.
All this and all you get is a mere $300. I have close to $300,000 by now, what the hell is this? Also I got a pager-message from Reni telling us about a "lucrative contact". But we haven't even met this Rei...though I'd like to...
Mission 38; Accidents Will Happen - Reni's an interesting fellow...in that he's pretty much not a fella, but he is, but he's also a lady, but he isn't...you know. Reni gets very excited that we're the "cocaine man" amd then starts flirting with Vic, but his assistant tells him of a problem: the stunt driver quit the commercial Reni's filming because Remi kept touching his ass. Well we're already a Hollywood superstar from 'Brawn in the Dead', sure we could take the driver's place.
It's a simple mission, drive through the checkpoints and get 10 seconds added on to your time. By the end you should have plenty of time. There is an "action" meter that will go down, but you can fill that up by driving into "stunt cars", which explode on contact (though does no damage to you, it is a commercial after all). After a couple of minutes we reach the last checkpoint, which we have to drive through fast enough. There will be a small cutscene showing our car jumping off the ramp in slow-mo and crash through a window. Mission complete.
Cast
Reni Wassulmaier
(Voiced By: Barbara Rosenblatt)
A German avant-garde film maker, Reni is an interesting fella to say the least. He's in Vice City to shoot a commercial, but he'll be one of our main allies for the next portion of the game. Although he's implied to be gay, the more you learn about the character the more you realise he's pretty much a woman, considering he was born as one. He's also connected to most of the drug lords that we'll take missions from later on and one very special contact we'll meet later...
Reni would make an appearance in Liberty City Stories as a DJ. By then, he's a she..though we'll find out what happened by the end of VCS...
Story Missions Complete: 33/59 (WE'RE HALFWAY THERE!)
Mission 29; Snitch Hitch - Lance is still going on about that large shipment of drugs. However before he can tell us we get a visitor...The Vance Mother! This will be the only time we'll ever see her, though. Lance tells us we have to go "pick up a friend from the airport". As we step outside he tells us that he has a contact who is looking to get out of the game and is willing to sell what he knows to the first bidder. We have to drive all the way to the airport only to find out that someone else got there first. The ex-dealer warns us that the buyer has a private jet and a private army. Barely a challenge for the Vance Brothers. Drive over to the jet (it's basically around the corner) and waste everyone. After they're all dead Lance will go into the plane leaving you alone to deal with the Bikers, who also want the files. Again they are no match for us and once they are dead it's mission complete.
Mission 30; From Zero to Hero - This is it, this mission marks the beginning of the second half of the game. Lance tells us that it's time to get that shipment of drugs but Vic has reservations, he doesn't want to be involved in the drug game. Lance says that it will just be this one shipment and they will be set for life, and their brother will get the medication he needs. Lance eventually manages to convince Vic to do it by mentioning that the coke we're about to steal belongs to our good friend Jerry Martinez.
Lance brings a couple of gang members with us for extra protection, though you really don't need it. Drive to the docks in Little Haiti and kill everyone there. Martinez will show up in a military helicopter so we need to get into the truck and follow Lance. The next section isn't hard, your truck takes a lot of damage and for an army Sergeant, Martinez is a terrible shot. It's time for us to head to the second island at long last, but as we cross the bridge Martinez will shoot missiles right in front of you. They are incredibly easy to dodge though.
Slow moving truck vs. an attack helicopter.
There is police at the other end of the bridge and that scares off Martinez...but now they're after us. However, even with a four star rating, it's easy enough to get to the safe point. It's not far and your truck should still be in great health. Reach Lance's new apartment and you've won!
This unlocks a number of things, the most important being that now all of Vice City is open. This means we can now own all 30 properties, eliminate the Bikers for good (and the Sharks if we want). Speaking of, we can now build 'Drug' properties, which I'll talk about later when I've unlocked the other two business types. More sports cars are available for carjacking, including one of my personal favourites, the Infernus. It is also now possible to get a six-star wanted level (brilliant...) and we have a brand new safehouse.
It's very low-key, the police would NEVER look for us in here.
Nice view though. There's the "Chunder Wheel", a reference to "The Warriors"...
Mission 31; Brawn of the Dead - Lance shows off one of his new suits, a erm..."lovely" blue suit...
I literally could not find a better photo to show it off, so...
Victor calls Martinez to gloat about stealing his coke, but Jerry has some bad news for us...the coke didn't actually belong to him, he was just the handler. The real owners were the Mendez Brothers, and they are looking to kill everyone involves, including Jerry and, gasp, US! Vic shouts at Lance, but he's got a buyer! Some film director is shooting a "z-list" movie in the mall, but can only do so at night. So, off to the mall! Once we arrive there the director tells us he needs a stuntman. Lance offers Vic's services while they talk "snow business".
This mission is a fun little distraction after the big mission before. First you have to shoot at as many zombies as possible in one and a half minutes. There is a 'gore' meter that is always falling, you fill it up by shooting a zombie. If they come too close, the meter will fall faster. You have unlimited shotgun shells and they die in one hit, it shouldn't be a problem.
The next stage is to protect the record store from the zombies. You have a katana, again they die in one hit. This one is slightly harder, but it's still rather easy. After this Lance tells us of his success and we drive home to pick up the coke but it isn't there...and neither is Mother Vance. Yup, she stole the drugs that would have made the Vance family rich. What a bitch.
Clearly the Vance Bros. got their good looks from this saucy bird...
Despite not being able to sell him the drugs, the director does page us saying that if we want to "film 'snow white' see Remi...". This unlocks a new mission strand that we will get to much later. Lance also pages us telling us we need to see him pronto. Naturally 'pronto' in GTA speak is 'whenever you want', but let's do that next after taking care of some more businesses (of which we can now build 'Smuggling'). One more thing has been unlocked, a swanky suit for Vic...
Nice and subtle. Yep, Lance probably bought us this...
Mission 32; Blitzkrieg - Lance tells us that he thinks everything will be okay and tries to think of ways to keep the Mendez Brothers off their backs. Just then though he gets a phone call saying that the Mendez Brothers and their gang are attacking all of Vic's businesses. This mission is simple, I just drove to the nearest business (which was a ten second drive away from Lance's apartment), killed all the attackers and I won. Lance says something like "We won here, but other places might have lost", but I never noticed any of my empire being damaged.
Mission 33; The Mugshot Longshot - After the last mission, one of the Mendez Brothers pages us and asks us to meet him. They live in a nice house on Prawn Island, which is the small island in the north. The talkative brother, Armando, tells Vic and Lance that they will either work together...or the Vance Bros will be killed. A hard choice that is. He asks us who stole the coke and before Vic can answer Lance blurts out that it was Martinez. Armando wants proof.
Lance, of course, has an idea...Jerry is turning to the witness protection system and he thinks that we can take a photo of Martinez talking to the DEA that will prove that he is talking to the cops about the Mendez's. He also thinks if we can get a photo of his face, Lance can put it in Forbes' old ID and make it look like he was an undercover cop. Excellent! First we have to drive to the police station and take a photo of Martinez talking to the DEA. Simple enough, don't get too close (the game will actually point out the best place to take it from).
Then you have to follow the car, easy stuff. And then finally take a good picture of Martinez while he stands on the boat. He will spot you, but he'll just get the DEA agent to drive the boat away from the "idiot taking pictures". Finally, drive to the print works (the only Tommy can buy in Vice City) and you've completed the mission.
Cast
The Mendez Brothers
Armando & Diego
(Voiced By: Yul Vasquez (A) & Ruben Trujillo (D))
The Mendez Brothers. Armando (the white suited man) is the more charismatic and is considered the leader of the two. Diego, the tough looking one, is quieter and only speaks Spanish. Yes, we're allies for now, but there's no doubt about it, they'll probably betray us soon...
Mission 24; The Audition: Lance T. Vance (the T is for Trust) hasn't wasted any time in making contacts in Vice City. He comes off the phone and tells Vic that he's got a job that will make them money "for nothing". First you have to drive to the local burger joint where Lance gets a phone call from his "player". It seems like we have to collect a car that has "merchandise" hidden inside it. Before we can any more details though there is a slight complication...robbers have entered the store. We have to shoot our way through only to be welcomed outside by the police who think that we respectable criminals were the ones who instigated the robbery. Well that's just rude. You can either steal a police car, or take the boring route and find a nearby parked car. I'd suggest the latter, there's usually one nearby.
Now we drive over to the Port Authority Building where the car has been impounded. There's seemingly no way in, but Lance has a plan! We drive a Sanchez (a good off-road bike) up the stairs, up a ramp (which includes a topical ET reference...which I can't find a picture of anywhere, you'll just have to take my word for it. After you get in the yard, kill all the people, get the car and them use the ramp to get back out. Lance will drive off with the car and that's mission complete.
Mission 25; Money For Nothing: We have a new buddy, Bryan Forbes'. It was him whose car we rescued in the last mission. This time he's asked us to help him take drugs from a warehouse. The idea is that while they get away with the drugs, we have to distract the cops. As soon as we drive off we get a three-star wanted level. The difficulty of the mission really depends on how well you can drive and if you're lucky with the cops. Sometimes they can attack you from all sides, but I've found driving up and down the grassy area at the right side of the island to be the way to go. After a while Lance will call to say they've reached their destination and now all we have to do is lose the cops. Go into a pay n'spray and the mission will end. A cool $1,500 in our pockets...which is actually chump change if you've expanded your business empire enough.
Mission 26; Caught as an Act: Lance will page us saying that he doesn't trust Forbes, and asks us to meet him at the Arena. We get there and after a little discussion with Forbes, Lance will show up and put a gun in Forbes' face. Turns out our new buddy was a cop. He manages to run away taking Lance's car. We have to chase him. The idea is to ram into his car and then drag him out, a cop is sure to have valuable information about various criminal activities. However, there is a slight complication...Lance had money in the back of the car. So now money is flying out of the car, we have to get Forbes before all the money flies out. The idea is to prevent Forbes from being able to drive forward and drag him out of the car. Lance finds a nice derelict apartment to hold Forbes in for now.
We can now either take more missions from Forbes, he'll tell us about a couple of drug deals, or missions from Lance. We've already started with Forbes, so we may as well finish.
Mission 27; Leap and Bound: Forbes tells us about a dealer who doesn't like bodyguards and will only meet one-on-one. It seems a little too good to be true. Our job is to watch over Lance with binoculars while he deals with the dealer. However things don't go as planned, as the dealer beats up Lance and drags him onto a boat. We have to give chase, and luckily we got a Comet (one of the fastest cars in the game) to do so.
Super fast, but super easy to destroy: The Comet!
It's a simple matter of driving up the strip until the cutscene triggers. After that we have to get on the big ship and rescue Lance. Luckily there's a ramp right there. Unfortunately I didn't have enough of a run up ended up turning the car upside down, but thanks to a little glitch Vic ended up unharmed on top of the car and I managed to jump into the ship before the car exploded. On the ship are gang-members. Our good buddy Forbes lied to us! Now we have to shoot everyone we see, go inside, shoot more people until we get to a big room. We see three people crowding around Lance, one of whom is wielding a chainsaw (which I will naturally pick up for myself...)
I came, I chainsaw AND I CONQUERED! MUHAHAHAHA!
We rescue Lance from a pretty gruesome death and he says he'll get transport while we pick up the rest of the drugs. There are four packages on the ship to collect, and a bunch more gang members have spawned. They all die easily enough and once you collect the four packages just jump off the ship (on the ground side) and run towards the mission marker. Yet again Lance will leave us without even offering to give us a lift, but whatever, we've already won.
This also marks the first time we bump into the third gang of the game...The Sharks. It won't be the last.
Mission 28; The Bum Deal: Lance decides to grill Forbes a bit more about something he found whilst snooping around our buddy's apartment. Apparently there's a big shipment coming in soon and Lance wants more information. Forbes' tells us to go to a bar called "The White Stallionz" (you can tell it's edgy, there's a z!).
Best Friends Foreva!!
However when we get there we find it's a biker bar alright...but they're dancing to disco...and they tell us our "kind" isn't welcome here. After a bar brawl with the racists, which quickly turns into a gunfight, we go outside to fight more gay bikers. Once they're taken care of we drive back to the apartment to see Forbes escaping on a Sanchez. The next part is easy enough, just go beside him and drive-by. Lance will be all like "I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL HIM!" but it's too late. Drive Lance back to his hotel and the mission is complete.
Rest in Peace Bryan Forbes, our best buddy.
Cast
Bryan Forbes
(Voiced by: Daniel Oreskes)
Our best buddy for a whole five missions, he's the one who introduces the Vance Brothers into the drug game, only to turn out to be a cop, only to turn out to be dead. I'm sure Vic and Lance will mourn his death for the rest of the game. Or it will be completely forgotten about by the next mission.
Mission 18; Hose the Hoes: Victor goes to visit Louise who tells our hero that our brothel is on fire! Louise joins us for this mission and points us in the way of a fire truck. Steal it and then drive over to the brothel you helped Marty acquire earlier in the game. Use the water cannon to put out all of the fires before the timer runs out. After that is dealt with Louise will point out one of Marty's cousins, who was obviously the firestarter, twisted firestarter. He dies easily though, thus completing the mission. Completing the mission actually allows us to build medium and high Prostitution businesses, obviously they didn't want us expanding this specific brothel before the mission.
Mission 19; Robbing the Cradle: Louise informs us that Social Services are threatening to take away Mary-Beth unless Louise puts out for the welfare man. She had sent thugs to kill him, but Vic feels this will only make it worse. So you have to save the bastard. Drive-by the thugs' car until they get out and then kill them. Now you have to chase the welfare man and scare him off. Shoot or ram his car until smoke comes out. He'll run out screaming and you've won. This ends Louise's mission strand.
Mission 20; Nice Package: Our first mission for Cuban leader Umberto Robina. However he won't form an alliance until we prove we have big balls. Mr. Robina has quite a fixation about big balls. Anyway we have to race a few other Cubans to reach a package. I didn't manage to get their first, but it doesn't matter, you can just blow up whoever did get it first and pick it up. Avoid getting blasted yourself and make it safely back to Robina's to win.
Mission 21; Balls: C'mon, Rockstar, you can do a little better than that, surely? This mission doesn't involve any sort of balls at all, all we have to do is escort a couple of Cubans to various spots in Little Havana. The Cholo's are causing chaos and it's up to us to stop them. However this is a rather easy mission since your two allies will competently drive-by anything, though you can make it go faster by running over Cholo's or helping with the drive-by's.
Mission 22; Papi Don't Screech: I remember this being an arsehole of a mission when I first played it five years ago, but it's honestly not that bad. Robina's hysterical because Cholo's have been seen driving towards the stadium, where Robina's dad is watching the wrestling. We have to pick him up and drive him VERY CAREFULLY to his café. He's old, you see, and you drive too fast, or crash too hard and his heart will give out and he will die. The second half of the drive home you have to deal with Cholo cars, if they spot you they will shoot, which is obviously not good for Alberto's heart. You can avoid them though. Arrive at the café before the generous time limit ends and win.
Mission 23; Havana Good Time: I love puns. This is the final Robina mission. Basically you have to drive to a Cholo warehouse, kill the guards. Then the Cuban's will roll in with a little gift for our Cholo buddies...
"Very tasteful"
We must now protect Robina's men as they load up their vans with guns. This is just a case of killing the waves of Cholo that arrive, nothing too hard to deal with. The hardest part of the mission is actually the escape, as you have to drive back to Robina's place in a slow-ass van. There is a pay n' spray nearby if you need to fix your van or lose the cops. The Cholo's will chase you and you can't out-speed them either. Manage to get back to Robina's and he'll praise us to high heaven while a cutscene plays of the Cholo, outraged at the pinata, attempt to destroy it only for it to explode in their faces.
This mission marks the end of the Cholo's at long last, as the Cuban's stand tall! If you haven't taken over all of their businesses (which you should, since they are the easiest to take over) then they'll become damaged, available for purchase (or Biker owned...). We also unlock a new outfit, the "Cuban Style"...
The leader of the Cuban's, he makes his second appearance in a GTA game. Much like in Vice City, he acts as an ally for the player character, and is one of the rare few that remains loyal to both Tommy and Victor. He likes men with big balls, though he's all about the women.
Danny Trejo voices him in both games, an accomplished actor whose own life is an interesting story as well. He's appeared in movies such as Grindhouse, Heat and...uhh...Spy Kids. He's bad-ass enough to get away with it though...
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